H!, I’m Diana! I’ve been a part of the APE Lab since Fall 2024 and graduated from Boise State University in May 2025 with a bachelor’s degree in Psychology. This fall, I will continue my education at Boise State University by pursuing a Master’s degree in counseling with a focus on addiction, including specialized training to work with individuals and families affected by substance use and addiction.
My interest in this friendship jealousy came from wanting to better understand friendships and why certain emotions and behaviors, like jealousy, can push people away. After experiencing friendship jealousy within my own friendships, I became curious about why we experience friendship jealousy in the first place and how those feelings impact our relationships. Over the last year, I worked on a systematic review exploring friendship jealousy, specifically examining the conditions under which people experience it and whether it helps relationships thrive or hinders them, making them difficult to maintain.
Have you ever felt a sinking feeling in your stomach when a close friend started spending more time with someone else? Jealousy is the name of that uncomfortable feeling, and it is one that many people try to dismiss. But what if experiencing jealousy isn’t always bad?
Jealousy is an emotion that occurs when we perceive that the attention, affection, or resources of a valued person (like a friend) may be redirected to another individual (Yong & Li, 2018; Buunk & Massar, 2023). While jealousy has traditionally been viewed as a negative emotion (Parker et al., 2010; Yong & Li, 2018), most existing research focuses on romantic jealousy (Krems et al., 2021; Parker et al., 2010; Yong & Li, 2018), leaving friendship jealousy understudied.
Conducting our review, we found that individuals report feeling jealous when they fear losing a close friendship. These feelings can arise in situations such as when a close friend forms (or prioritizes) a new relationship, when individuals feel insecure in their friendship, or when they compare themselves to others (Krems et al., 2021; Kim et al., 2017; Parrott & Smith, 1993). In these situations, people may experience fear, anxiety, and concern about losing the friendship (Parrott & Smith, 1993; Worley & Samp, 2014). When these feelings become overwhelming or are handled in unhealthy ways, they can create problems that strain the friendship rather than strengthen it.
In some cases, though, jealousy can actually be helpful. Jealousy can act as a cue that helps protect and strengthen bonds rather than weaken them. It may signal that a relationship is important, motivating individuals to communicate, seek reassurance, or invest more in their relationship (Buunk & Massar, 2023; Krems et al., 2021). For example, a person might feel left out when their friend spends more time with others and may be more likely to reach out to talk about their feelings or make a greater effort to spend time with them. By making people aware of their concerns, jealousy can encourage conversations that help maintain and strengthen close friendships over time.
However, the line between helpful and harmful jealousy is thin. When jealousy is driven by insecurity or expressed through possessiveness, hostility, or withdrawal, jealousy becomes harmful to the friendship (Krems et al., 2021; Lavallee & Parker, 2009; Parker et al., 2005). Instead of protecting the friendship, it leads to conflict, reduced trust, and relationship deterioration. This is particularly evident among adolescents, where jealousy is often linked to relational aggression, lower peer acceptance, and social difficulties (Parker et al., 2005; Kraft & Mayeux, 2016).
Social media adds another layer to this dynamic by increasing our ability to keep tabs on others. It creates more opportunities for comparison and perceived exclusion, ultimately intensifying jealousy (Vaillancourt et al., 2024). Social media–related jealousy can quickly lead to loneliness and disconnection, as well as poorer friendship quality and lower well-being (Okur & Ummet, 2025; Vaillancourt et al., 2024).
One of the most important takeaways from this project is that the impact of jealousy depends on how it is experienced and expressed. It’s not simply about whether jealousy exists, but how individuals respond to it. Whether jealousy helps or hurts a friendship depends on factors such as the situation, how strongly someone feels threatened, and how they manage their emotions (Worley & Samp, 2014; Buunk & Massar, 2023).
Working on this project shifted how I think about emotions more broadly. Rather than viewing emotions as inherently good or bad, I now see them as informative signals. Even uncomfortable emotions can provide insight into our needs, insecurities, and values. I learned to think less about whether an emotion is positive or negative and more about what it may be trying to tell us. For instance, feelings of jealousy may reveal concerns about losing an important relationship, unmet emotional needs, or underlying insecurities. There is still much to learn, particularly about how individuals can manage jealousy constructively and how different contexts, such as social media, shape these experiences. Experiencing jealousy is not inherently a cause of conflict; rather, how we respond to those feelings determines whether our relationships are strengthened or driven apart.
References
Apostolou, M., & Vetsa, P. (2023). Friendship preferences: Examining desirable and undesirable traits in a friend. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 9(1), 38-49.
Buunk, A. P., & Massar, K. (2023). Jealousy in close relationships from an evolutionary and cultural perspective. In J. K. Mogilski & T. K. Shackelford (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of evolutionary psychology and romantic relationships (pp. 333–359). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197524718.013.12
Hruschka, D. J. (2010). Friendship: Development, ecology and evolution of a relationship. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press. http://dx.doi.org/10.1525/california/9780520265462.001.0001
Krems, J. A., Williams, K. E. G., Aktipis, A., & Kenrick, D. T. (2021). Friendship Jealousy: One tool for maintaining friendships in the face of third-party threats? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 120(4), 977-1012. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000311
Lavallee, K. L., & Parker, J. G. (2009). The role of inflexible friendship beliefs, rumination, and low self-worth in early adolescents’ friendship jealousy and adjustment. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 37(6), 873-885.
Okur, S., & Ümmet, D. (2025). Examining Peer Jealousy among University Students: A mixed method study. Psychiatric Quarterly, 1-23. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11126-025-10190-2
Parker, J. G., Kruse, S. A., & Aikins, J. W. (2010). When friends have other friends. In M. Legerstee & S. L. Hart (Eds), Handbook of Jealousy, 516–546. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781444323542.ch22
Parrott, W. G., & Smith, R. H. (1993). Distinguishing the experiences of envy and jealousy. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64(6), 906-920.
Vaillancourt, T., Brittain, H., Eriksson, M., Krygsman, A., Farrell, A. H., Davis, A. C., Volk, A. A., & Arnocky, S. (2024). Social Media Friendship Jealousy. Evolutionary Psychology, 22(1). https://doi.org/10.1177/14747049231225738
Worley, T. R., & Samp, J. (2014). Friendship characteristics, threat appraisals, and varieties of jealousy about romantic partners’ friendships. Interpersona: An International Journal, 8(2), 231-244. https://doi.org/10.5964/ijpr.v8i2.169
Yong, J. C., & Li, N. P. (2018). The adaptive functions of jealousy. In H. Lench (Eds.), The Function of Emotions (pp. 121–140). Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-77619-4_7
